Five Ways to Show Yourself Love

So many of us are conditioned to look externally to seek validation. We’ve been conditioned to believe that we need to do or be certain things to be good enough, to be worthy.  However, the truth is, that we are born worthy, we are born whole. We are each born with innate wisdom, gifts and strength that unfortunately aren’t always nurtured as we move through this world. And it’s up to us then to reconnect with these through self-love. 

When we talk about self-love, we are not talking about sporadic bubble baths and face masks — which can absolutely be a part of it — but rather, we are talking about the ways of choosing yourself, of showing up for yourself with unconditional acceptance and love, to support your peace and growth.

Practicing self-love is a lifelong journey and it’s practiced decision by decision, moment by moment, in our everyday lives. Read on for five ways to start putting yourself first that you can start applying today.

5 ways to show yourself love

Reconnect with yourself

When you’ve spent your life seeking external validation, you stop looking within to inform yourself of what feels aligned. Turning inwards is giving yourself the time and space to get to know yourself all over again. 

Start by taking note of what you love about yourself (your gifts, your ways of being, etc), and taking note of the areas where you want to focus your growth (behaviours and beliefs that don’t serve you and that you’d like to start challenging and shifting).

You can then take inventory of what makes you feel good and gives you energy, and also what drains you. Take note of the people that feel like home, the activities that fill your cup (maybe it’s getting on your mat, making art or dancing) and the details in your environment that bring you a sense of calm (maybe it’s lighting some candles or putting on a relaxing playlist).

As you go through this lifelong process of self-discovery, make sure to enjoy it and make it a point to honour yourself and to incorporate the activities that bring you to life, to call the people who feel like home and to create peaceful spaces that nourish your soul.

image of black woman hugging herself

Talk to yourself like you would a child you love

An important part of self-love is being conscious of and intentional with our self-talk. 

Start to notice how you speak to yourself. When you are going through a tough time, do you give yourself grace, or do you put yourself down even more? When you do something you are truly proud of, do you take the time to congratulate and celebrate yourself, or do you downplay your achievement and move on? Now imagine doing this to a child. If it doesn’t feel right to speak to a child in this way, consider that it might not be right to speak to yourself that way. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important because it’s the one thing that you will always have, and it defines your reality and how you show up in this world. We often are so harsh towards ourselves and this doesn’t serve us. Instead, become intentional with how you speak to yourself and choose to be a supportive, loving and calm presence for yourself, like you would a child. Show up for yourself with unconditional love and acceptance.

Align your decisions and actions with your values

As you start to turn inwards, you’ll discover and become clear about your values.

When this is the case, you can then become intentional about aligning your actions and decisions with those values, regardless of what others may think. Your actions and decisions will come from a place of confidence and self-love and with every aligned action and decision, your life will become a true reflection of your true essence. This will in turn result in more peace and joy in your life, and improve your self-trust.

woman doing yoga and looking relaxed

Invest in yourself

Whatever that looks like for you, make sure to take some time for your own personal growth and development. Learn a skill you’ve always been curious about, start your yoga journey, commit to therapy, try something new, say yes to the things that excite you, even when they scare you. Stepping out of your comfort zone is also a form of self-love when it helps you grow. 

Set some intentions in this area – you deserve to flourish, and keep the promises you make to yourself – with time, you will notice the positive effects on your self-trust and confidence. 

i love you, and i love me too

Set boundaries

This is a hard one for many of us, because we don’t want to disappoint anyone, but the truth is that you can’t please everyone. And since you are your most important relationship, putting yourself first needs to be a priority. 

Say no to the invitations that drain you, say no to the opportunities that don’t align with your values, say no to the people who don’t support your growth.

Challenge the idea of needing to be validated externally, and look inwards for that validation instead. 

By respecting your own boundaries, you will inevitably attract the right people, with whom self-abandonment will never be necessary.


Self-love, when practiced regularly, truly has  the power to shift your life. Start to honour yourself through these practices when and where you can, and with time, they will become intuitive and reinforce your self-trust and confidence. Remember to be playful and have fun along the way. With that unconditional acceptance and love for yourself, your life will become a reflection of the unique, beautiful and worthy person that you already are.